It seems to be one of the buzzwords in mental health at the
moment. “Learn healthy coping skills.”
“Improve your coping strategies.” But what does this actually mean? And how do
we go about it?
For most people, coping strategies are something we do automatically.
We have a bad day at work-we eat ice cream. We have an argument with our
partner-we go for a run to burn off the frustration. But when we’re in a dark place, we don’t
always make good choices. For one thing our mind is saying “nothing will make
me feel better”. And for another, it takes effort to get out of the chair/bed
and actually take action to do something which may change how we feel. And that
can just feel too hard.
So how do we overcome these problems? And how do we decide
what would be a good thing to try and what would be less useful? Two things
come to mind.
The first is that what works for one person may not be effective
for the next. Your coping strategies are individual to you. And that brings me
to the next point,
you need to have figured it out before things get bad.
Because when you’re in extremis, you don’t want to be trying things out for the
first time. So prepare. Go on the internet. Talk to other people. Come up with
a list of stuff that you think might work, that sounds attractive to you. And
then, when things are pretty good, try them out. Discover which ones change the
way you feel. Distract you. The ones that give you enjoyment.
And then write them down. Make a list. Mine is divided by
what my overriding feeling that I want to change is. So I have a collection of
things that work when I’m anxious. When I’m depressed. And so on. Put the list
somewhere obvious (mine is on the fridge-this is possibly easier when you live
on your own!). Next time things get bad, stand in front of the list and work
your way down it until you hit something that works. I promise, it will become
an automatic thing to do.
This is how I do it anyway. And what’s on my list? Well,
edited highlights include knitting, colouring, hot tea, hot baths (with
bubbles), scented candles, iced water (to drink or hold hands in), cuddling
stuffed animals, going for a run………. the list goes on. But none of those might
work for you. Or they might. If I have learned anything it is that we are all
different. There is no “right” way to cope.
