Wednesday 31 August 2016

Coping by H.P

It seems to be one of the buzzwords in mental health at the moment.  “Learn healthy coping skills.” “Improve your coping strategies.” But what does this actually mean? And how do we go about it?
 For most people, coping strategies are something we do automatically. We have a bad day at work-we eat ice cream. We have an argument with our partner-we go for a run to burn off the frustration.  But when we’re in a dark place, we don’t always make good choices. For one thing our mind is saying “nothing will make me feel better”. And for another, it takes effort to get out of the chair/bed and actually take action to do something which may change how we feel. And that can just feel too hard.

So how do we overcome these problems? And how do we decide what would be a good thing to try and what would be less useful? Two things come to mind. 
The first is that what works for one person may not be effective for the next. Your coping strategies are individual to you. And that brings me to the next point,
you need to have figured it out before things get bad. Because when you’re in extremis, you don’t want to be trying things out for the first time. So prepare. Go on the internet. Talk to other people. Come up with a list of stuff that you think might work, that sounds attractive to you. And then, when things are pretty good, try them out. Discover which ones change the way you feel. Distract you. The ones that give you enjoyment.

And then write them down. Make a list. Mine is divided by what my overriding feeling that I want to change is. So I have a collection of things that work when I’m anxious. When I’m depressed. And so on. Put the list somewhere obvious (mine is on the fridge-this is possibly easier when you live on your own!). Next time things get bad, stand in front of the list and work your way down it until you hit something that works. I promise, it will become an automatic thing to do.
Image result for writing a list


This is how I do it anyway. And what’s on my list? Well, edited highlights include knitting, colouring, hot tea, hot baths (with bubbles), scented candles, iced water (to drink or hold hands in), cuddling stuffed animals, going for a run………. the list goes on. But none of those might work for you. Or they might. If I have learned anything it is that we are all different. There is no “right” way to cope.

Why Are We Here?

Our Chris asked us to share this Poem with you.

Why are we here?
We are here to listen ...
...Not to work miracles


We are here to help you discover what you are feeling ...
...Not to make things go away


We are here to help you identify your options ...
...Not to decide which option you should take


We are here to discuss steps with you ...
...Not to take those steps for you


We are here to help you discover your own strengths ...
...Not to rescue you and leave you still vulnerable


We are here to help you discover that you can help yourself ...
...Not to take responsibility for you


We are here to help you choose ...
...Not to make to make choices for you


We are here to support your changes, and to help you make those changes




Adapted for Bridging the Gap from an anonymous poem from the Texas Council on Family Violence